by Writing Shark
Your daughter tries to be the girl you want her to be
“What are we still doing here?” the lanky boy wants to know, seeming to sense instinctively that something is different. Alice isn’t good at hiding her emotions either, and the place behind the gym where she does her cheerleading practice (when they’re not practicing outside) is known for couples meeting secretly and….
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Alice mumbles, feeling overwhelmed. Her mother said that men usually make the first move, but Connor… He’s a nice boy. He’ll understand and if I give him a sign first then…
“Alice, what’s wrong?”
“You tell me,” she replies. It’s clear that her poor boyfriend doesn’t know what’s going on in her head, but that’s normal, he doesn’t have such a strong relationship with her as her father. But still, her request is genuine. Alice wishes Connor would do the talking. I’m not good at this either. Help me out here. Take the lead.
“Okay…” he hesitates a bit, but that’s okay. Her father explained to Alice that she’s a special person. But Connor is special, too. Show me. Then I’ll present you to my dad. “I think you’re going through a lot right now.” He looks around. “You’re meeting here… with me…”
“You’re my friend Connor,” Alice breathes, knowing that’s a lie. Connor is more to her. “You’re special.” But that’s a lie, too. “And I don’t want to lie anymore.” Her bottom lip trembles as do her hands, both for different reasons.
“You don’t have to lie to me Alice. You can trust me after all.” Like my father. Connor takes her hands and moves closer to her. Alice feels her heart beating in her chest. If Connor conquers her now then her father will accept him. “I think you’re here because you’re looking for someone you can trust.” Alice nods her head. She has been close to Connor many times, she can smell him and his eyes glide over her body. Look at me Connor.
The boy hesitates again, then takes a step closer. Alice feels her young breasts scrape over him under her shirt. She would like to look up at him but they are about the same size and Connor is not looking down at her.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me” she explains when he says nothing. She wants him to do something, but maybe she needs to make him strong enough to conquer her first. “I’m so confused. I have problems and need help.”
“Then let’s talk about it.” And Connor pulls away from her again. He wants to help her.
“Connor no…” She takes a step toward him. “I don’t want to talk right now.”
“But I want to help you.” He doesn’t understand. Crap. Hesitantly, she takes her hands. Mom said a good girl doesn’t demand. A good girl lets herself be conquered. A good girl gets a strong man. And she wants to be a good girl. For her dad. She wants to show her dad she’s in safe hands. In the hands of Connor. Her fingers touch his arms and they stand close together again.
“Then help me Connor,” Alice whispers, stroking his skin. He gets goosebumps as he studies her face. “Please help me. I need you now.” Alice closes her eyes. She has seen what Connor is thinking. And she’s proud of herself. She’s seen the affection in his gaze. The trust in her that conquered the initial shock. He knows what I feel. Now conquer me Connor! Take me.
Alice Winters feels his hands close around her arms. His skin strokes hers and makes her shiver. A soft smile comes to her lips. She makes everyone happy. Dad, Connor, and her mother. And herself, too. Gone are the doubts about Connor, gone are the doubts about her father. She doesn’t have to seduce him first, she doesn’t have to take any chances. She can make her father proud without endangering him. She can have a normal, strong relationship with a nice boy.
And Connor. His hand feels so good on her skin. Alice bends one of her legs, leaning against him in the delicious moment by confessing her affection for him. She feels his breath on her face, gentle as a breeze. His smell, even if she doesn’t know it well yet, is pleasant and enchanting. She trusts him. Then she feels the tip of his nose against hers and a low moan escapes her throat. It was just a phase. I’m a silly girl who thought she had a crush on her dad. Instead it was Connor all along! I’m a silly goose. Thank god.
“Please Connor,” she whispers, it’s almost just a thought. She wants to kiss him, here behind the gym where everyone kisses. She’s so excited and her head is full and empty at the same time. She thinks so many things at once and yet time seems to stand still while she waits. She’s waiting for Connor, her buddy, her boyfriend. And her partner. Her love. Kiss me Connor. I need to know.
And Connor does.
He moves slightly and in the wonderful warm darkness of her closed eyes Alice feels his hands on her cheeks. She smiles.
Then the hands move a little lower, to her shoulders. And then they move to her back. What…? Connor hugs her tightly. He wraps his arms very lightly around her body and hugs her tenderly. Alice opens her eyes but doesn’t see him, only the dirty hall wall over his shoulder.
“I’ll help you Alice” he whispers in her ear but the girl can only stare straight ahead at the wall. His voice sounds too satisfied but something inside Alice hurts. “Don’t worry.” Then he lets go of her and looks at her. He smiles in satisfaction. She looks at him confused.
“Connor…”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you Alice” he confesses. You don’t need to know either. My father already knows! “Maybe it’s your father or your whole family…” Her face turns red and she doesn’t know if it’s from shame or anger. Her heart beats faster, hammering against her chest, and her eyes hurt. “But that’s not you, Alice.” Connor smiles encouragingly. “Meeting here where everyone else is making out.” His thumbs brush her cheek, then his hands move down to hers. “You’re very special Alice, you know that. I could never…”
“Then treat me like it!” She is surprised herself at her outburst. Too much tension, too many thoughts, too many stories of how it should be. Instinctively she knows Connor can’t do anything about it but that doesn’t help her now.
“I do…” he stammers.
“Then why don’t you kiss me?” A lone tear trickles down her cheek. “Connor… damn…”
“Alice…why should I…how can I…” He’s at a loss. Her father, her mother, they were all right. But it gets worse.
“Exactly” she hears a voice behind her. “How can he?” Of course, Valerie and Davis had to come here, too. It’s practically their place.
“Oh no…” mumbles Connor… and lets go of Alice. She’s devastated. Protect me! Show me I’m worth it!
“What’s the matter Connor?” teases Davis. “Can’t you get him up?” Briefly, Alice still has hope. Maybe a fight is brewing. She’s not a violent person but now, after this experience… Maybe he’s fighting for me…
But Connor won’t. He’s smarter than that.
“Come on Alice,” he says silently, grabbing her hand again. “We’re leaving.” But Alice pulls away. Connor looks at her, speechless, then she’s already storming past him, wordlessly, toward the parking lot.
“You know where to find me if you want dick sweetie” Davis yells after her and gets a slap from Valerie, then they both laugh.
“I’ll take you home,” Connor says dejectedly and goes to grab her hand again. Again, Alice yanks it away.
“Go away” she hisses, unable to scream at him. “Please.”
Connor looks at her hesitantly for a long time but she said ‘please’. He nods, turns without a word, shoulders slumping, leaving Alice alone in the hot parking lot.
“Shit.”
Writing Shark 