by Writing Shark
Alice applies what she learned from your wife
Her mother’s words still echo in her head as Alice gets out of her dad’s car with Gemma and enters the schoolyard a day later. Her dad says goodbye to the girls and Alice gets to lean into the car once more to give him a hug. As she runs after the pouting Gemma towards the school building, her mind races so fast that she knows today is not going to be a good day either. She is already looking forward to being back home with her dad.
‘You want a strong man,’ her mother said. ‘A man who takes what he wants.’
‘But that’s not a nice man,’ she had replied.
‘Your father is nice to me.’ That was an irrefutable argument, that evening both sisters had heard it again how good their father was to their mother. ‘But I know that I am safe from everything and everyone with him. That is a freedom that a nice man, a gentleman cannot give you. Your father is better to me in his own way than any other man could be.’
‘And what do you have to do for that?’ Alice is still infinitely embarrassed to have asked this question, especially because her mother just kept talking as if it wasn’t about the man they both had a crush on like dumbstruck teenagers. After all, Alice Winters is a dumbstruck teenager who has a crush on her own father. But what her mother had said hadn’t necessarily swayed her from her foolish view, and Alice doubts that her good-natured mother knows how her daughter feels.
‘You must be the girl the boy wants you to be.’ Dad already said I was like that, had flashed through her mind. ‘You have to be sweet, well-behaved. Do what he says.’
‘But he might take advantage of me,’ she had replied, thinking of Davis, boyfriend of Valerie. Her mother had laughed good-naturedly.
‘Yes your father is a monster, a good, strong monster. A wolf in a world full of sheep. But it was me who asked him for help and he wouldn’t have taken me if he wasn’t sure I wanted it. It’s about love honey,’ she had explained. ‘Your father and I love each other endlessly and he would do anything to keep me, just as I would. You have to show the boy that you want him, then he will take you.’
‘Like a prize to be won?’ Miss Hoover would despair of telling her that, but her mother had only smiled happily and in love.
‘You don’t get a prize for free honey. You have to work hard, fight hard and make sacrifices to earn a prize. Most men aren’t capable of that. And certainly not boys. No. The best girls are prizes for the most powerful and strongest men, but at the same time they treat their women with respect and love. A boy doesn’t want to go through these fights over and over again. Who tells you that boys only live for the hunt is stupid. Good, strong boys like the hint, the fight, and when they got you, they want to show you, protect you. They don’t want to throw you away for more dangers.’
We are prizes for men, Alice thinks to herself while her teacher chats some stuff about politics and she doesn’t listen. Tough men are the best. Monsters. They deserve the girls. They protect them. They shelter them. They show them around.
At first Alice was shocked and close to tears at night. She was so confused that it had never even occurred to her to masturbate or even think about her father. Her mother’s words had thrown her completely off track, but the worst thing was that she hadn’t even doubted them. Somehow it all made sense.
The movies she watched with her friends, the books she read, the lessons from her teachers, it all told a story. But the reality, what she witnesses in her social environment, is something completely different.
Most of her friends’ parents are divorced or on the verge of a breakup. Those whose marriages have lasted have grown apart or fallen into a routine. Alice sees all this through her friends. And her parents are in stark contrast. Connor and Elise look down doubtfully on her parents but both their parents don’t have what Alice and Gemma have. Elise lives alone with her mom Amy, her dad having abandoned her shortly after she was born. And Connor, his mom is almost certainly having an affair with someone else. Both friends suffer as a result.
At recess, Alice sits in the cafeteria with these same friends, eating lunch. She is silent and thinking. Now she knows what to do to get a boyfriend. The only question is: which boyfriend? She only has Connor, and he’s not exactly known for treating her the way her father treats her mother. Connor is kind and gentle, patient and caring. These are the things Alice has always liked about him, and she could well imagine… She shakes her head. No, she just couldn’t picture it well. That’s the whole problem. It’s not about Connor, it’s about her.
Her mother has brought up exactly what has always bothered Alice about her friends. She knows Connor is in love with her. Not infatuated, not smitten, really in love. She sees it, the way he looks at her. Right now too. He wants to help her and Alice likes him a lot for it. But she doesn’t know if he can. And if he can, she would never tell him her thoughts about her father. Her face becomes even darker.
What are her thoughts about her father? What does she want from him? Love? Recognition? She gets all that, now even more than before. Is she even allowed to ask for more? And even if she could, her father already has a wife. Alice grits her teeth as she realizes that she is envious of her mother. Not necessarily that she has her father, but that she is so much further along in the art of getting a strong man. But isn’t Connor strong too? In his own way? She looks at him spooning his yogurt and grins at her. She smiles back.
Would dad even want me? Hypothetically, of course! But the answer is the same. Probably not. I’m his muffin, sweet and soft. Girls are supposed to be like that for their boyfriends, but Alice doubts she’d last a night with her dad. What am I thinking? My God! These thoughts are not good. They are dangerous. For her father, too. And I am a good girl. He said so himself! I mustn’t endanger him like this!
But staying a stupid little girl is not good for her father either. She likes what they have and is sure that he will make sure that she stays the way he wants her to be. Her mother will also help her. But what can she do? What would her father like? Alice looks up at Connor.
No. Her father is too important to her to jeopardize her relationship with him by her misbehavior. His approval is too important to her. She needs him. She knows what kind of girl her father wants, what he wants for her. And Connor is a nice boy. Maybe he can help me. And maybe he’s a strong man, too.
“Connor?”
Writing Shark 