by Writing Shark
Bastogne
A whole day has passed since Emma Jackson confessed her wish to the love of her life. The evening she was closer to Finn than ever before still makes her heart beat as fast as the beat of a country rock concert. The whole time she was on clouds, smiling and grinning, giggling and laughing. Her parents, quite surprised by the clean state of the house and the relaxed atmosphere, knew exactly why their beloved daughter was acting like a love-struck lunatic, because that’s exactly what she is.
Finn had been a little embarrassed when her mother had woken him and Emma on the sofa, and his first instinct when the woman had gone upstairs had been to make sure that neither he nor his elf were naked. Once that was settled, Finn had hugged Emma long and tenderly until her father had called them both to reason with mock severity. While Emma had quickly cleared the TV table, she had overheard her father and her lover exchanging quiet words. They had talked about her. Her father had been strict but firm, explaining to Finn what he would do to him if he disappointed Emma. And Finn had stood his ground. Emma was so proud of him. Then the two men in her life had manfully shaken hands, the taller man tapping the shorter one on the shoulder and walking him to the door. When Emma came running after her love, both men had to laugh but her father had been understanding.
The next day, unfortunately, the two couldn’t see each other. Finn had been busy at the house and had told her by cell phone that he had to take it easy with his mother to prevent further disasters. The two had talked briefly about Millie and were both surprised that Megan had behaved so maturely. He had promised her that the two would certainly see each other tomorrow. If such a situation had happened at her home, Emma would have let Finn take her in front of her parents, she was sure of it. It shames her a bit and the thought is even too much for her, but she also knows that she would do anything to stay with Finn. Emma Jackson knows for sure that he feels the same way.
Now, in the early evening of the next day, the image of her lover still hovers in front of her inner eye as Emma looks at herself in her little mirror above her dresser. She has done what she could but somehow she is not satisfied with her appearance. Sure, she doesn’t have as many dresses as Karen, nor does she have as big a makeup box, but that’s not the problem. Finn would surely faint if he saw her now. The black dress is skin tight at the waist, wide at her hips and flared at her bust. The fabric covers her breasts so much that it looks chaste, but emphasizes her tight belly so that she doesn’t come across as a prude. The hem also covers enough of her body and legs that Emma feels comfortable. But… Emma sighs. But she’d rather wear this dress for Finn. She secretly thinks of the costume she bought for him with the girls and can’t wait. Denise pimping it up will bring the two girls even closer together than the harem already did, and Finn will be happy about that, too. Emma shakes her head. As much as she likes to think about her boyfriend, now she owes it to him to think about someone else. Finn wants her to have a good relationship with Carrie and Emma wants that too. Carrie is her friend and Emma owes it to her to spend time with her. That she is able to do this even in her honeymoon phase surprises her a bit, but on the other hand the request came from Finn as well. And what Finn says, Emma does. Again she smiles and thinks of him.
“Crap.” She giggles in amusement. Her life has been so easy and simple since she confessed her love to him. Yes, there are challenges as there always are, but Emma doesn’t think about them. Finn has her life figured out and she feels safe with him. “Oh man.” It happened again. Another shake of the head, stronger this time. Luckily, her hair is perfectly in place and her makeup is already on. Emma knows what Carrie likes and the two often coordinate their looks. This time that didn’t work out, as Emma is now discussing her looks with someone else, but she still manages to remember what Carrie likes on her. Emma has braided her hair into a bun with a few strands falling out of it, and the sides of her face are also framed by strands. Carrie likes the bun, Finn likes the strands. Emma is happy to please both. Her glasses are needed of course but that has to be and the rest of her utensils she has in her small black handbag. Her black high-heeled shoes are in her hand as she descends the stairs. Her father is waiting for her at the bottom.
“Wow dear, you look stunning.” Emma smiles with her red lipstick on her white skin.
“Thanks dad. I hope Carrie likes it.” Her father frowns ever so slightly.
“Is Finn coming along too?” Emma shakes her head.
“Carrie is picking me up. It’s girls’ night out tonight.”
“You’ve never dressed up like that for your girlfriends before, have you?” the man grunts, looking at his daughter again. Smiling nervously, Emma brushes a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Now that I’m with Finn, Carrie often has to do without me. So I wanted to give her a treat.”
“But you’ve been together less than a month.” Her father hesitates. “Emma, I really like Finn. What does he say about you going out like this?” Emma pauses.
“What do you mean?” But her father just shrugs.
“You know Carrie.” Emma knows about her friend’s sexual orientation, but hasn’t told anyone. Only Finn and the two girls know. And obviously the man in the house. Emma doesn’t know how to react to this. Suddenly she is nervous, more nervous than usual. She quickly finds salvation in what will always save her from now on.
“Do you think Finn will like the dress?” But her father doesn’t respond.
“But you’re going out with Carrie today” he says and his voice gets a little darker, just a little and maybe Emma is imagining it.
“But I want to show Finn later… Or do you think that’s a bad idea?” Her father looks at Emma for a long moment, making her heart beat faster. Then he grimaces and hugs his daughter.
“I believe in you honey” he says over her shoulder.
“Thanks dad.” The two let go and Emma nods her thanks to her father. Then a horn sounds outside, Carrie is there.
“And text your boyfriend!” her dad calls after her, then Emma is already being hugged by Carrie.
“Emma darling you look fantastic” Carrie praises the girl who blushes slightly. “I never thought you would give me this sight today.” The bookworm’s hand quickly goes up out of reflex but her strand is already behind her ear.
“You look stunning, too,” she says, looking at her friend. It makes her happy to see that Carrie was able to match her outfit to her’s even without consultation.
Her friend wears her long blonde hair tied in a braid that begins at the back of her head and runs between her shoulder blades, which in turn stand out visibly from her tight white dress. Her back shows a lot of skin and her neckline runs a bit too daring for Emma until almost between her breasts. Her arms, on the other hand, are almost completely covered by the fabric whereas the other one’s are exposed. And where the black dress is wide, the white dress is tight around the slender legs of Carrie. Her high-heeled shoes are also white, but show a bit more glitter, which draws the attention of Emma. Unlike her, Carrie wears minimal makeup, her skin has always been perfectly clean and the pink lipstick stands out only slightly against her foundation. Emma, who has renounced jewelry because of Finn, can hardly get enough of the silver necklace that ends between her friend’s breasts in a bird spreading its wings to explore the world. And last but not least, Carrie wears a deep black bangle that she once bought with Emma.
“I just feel free today” says her friend as Emma can’t tear herself away from her body, raising her arms and spinning in circles on the dark street like a figure of light. Her laughter is infectious, as it always is for Emma, and soon the girl joins in. The two friends hug again, and Carrie helps Emma into the back seat of the cab she has called. Emma already suspects what’s coming if Carrie doesn’t use her own car.
“So?” asks Emma as the girls buckle up. “What’s the plan?” But Carrie just grins conspiratorially and turns to the cab driver and hands him a note. “Let me handle this and you will not be disappointed.”
“I have a really bad feeling about this.” Unfortunately, Carrie doesn’t understand but just laughs kindly.
“Oh come on,” she says, shaking her friend by the shoulder. Through the thin fabric of her dress, Emma feels the touch quite clearly. “Your boyfriend let me have you for an evening. Then let me have fun, too.” Young Jackson can’t argue with that but Carrie cheers her up. “Hey. I owe him for lending me my best friend. What would happen if Finn found out tomorrow that you didn’t have a good time?” She gives Emma an encouraging wink.
“That’s right. I’m sure he’d put me over his knee.” Emma winces. She’s sure that hurt Carrie. But the girls just shakes it off.
“Then let’s not talk about chores anymore today but have fun like we used to, okay?” Emma nods eagerly, even looking forward to what Carrie has planned.
“I take it all back” she moans a short time later. The dull bass of the disco pierces all the way to the rocky parking lot but Carrie cheers Emma up a bit with her happy manner.
“Now don’t be like that Emma-mouse” she laughs, stumbling across the parking lot on her shoes. “You and your boyfriend are the only ones who know that I like pussy and I want to finally live it up.” Now Emma understands why Carrie didn’t bring her boyfriend, and why she’s acting so frisky, not to mention her revealing outfit. Somewhat she had feared she would want to make an impression on her, which is easier than Emma thought. But it seems that she just enjoys the freedom Finn and Emma have given her. This makes Emma happy and she follows her friend to the line of people waiting to get in. The evening is still early, the sun hasn’t even set, and there aren’t many people in line. “I know you don’t like going to the Disco,” Carrie confesses, smiling sympathetically. Emma just grins, not wanting to ruin the mood. “That’s why we go so early. There aren’t that many people there.”
“I’ll be happy to do it for you” Emma says, quite the submissive friend everyone knows but Carrie shakes her head.
“It’s okay Emma-mouse.” She looks thoughtful. “I know you always came with us…with me, because you wanted to be nice. I want tonight to be nice for you and I promise you’ll have a good time. Do you believe me?” At these words Carrie reminds Emma of her boyfriend and she nods instinctively.
“Yes I believe you.”
“This is not the only stop today and later you will understand what I was trying to accomplish. You can trust me.” Again Emma remembers Finn.
“I trust you.” Either Carrie has paid or, and Emma thinks this is more likely, the bouncers dig the looks of the two girls. Either way, they don’t have to wait long and Carrie grabs Emma by the hand and pulls her through the entrance, beaming with joy.
“I thought we were going to talk or something…” says Emma but the music is too loud. At least Carrie was right about the people. There aren’t many here, maybe a hundred in the big room, and they don’t seem particularly drunk.
“What?!” yells Carrie.
“I thought we were going to entertain ourselves!” yells Emma back.
“That will come too!” The girlfriend of Finn has to laugh out loud as Carrie leads her onto the dance floor. They have Finn to thank for Emma not feeling quite so embarrassed. Her lover has embarrassed himself enough for her, and a heartfelt kiss in front of the aquarium isn’t much different than dancing with the beautiful Carrie to thumping basses. Something bothers Emma about this thought but Carrie distracts her with her writhing body. It doesn’t take long for Emma to let herself go as well. Not as much as her friend, who acts like there’s no tomorrow, but still Emma likes to feel free without the help of anyone else. Again, she doesn’t realize the duality. Then the next logical thing happens and many looks from men – and some women – attach themselves to the two girls. But Carrie watches out for her friend, gets in the way of potential suitors, and even turns away some girls who want to dance with her. She just shakes her head and points at Emma who doesn’t quite understand if she’s coming across as lesbian or just being dubbed a friend. Either way, Emma enjoys letting herself go, even if the music and the dancing itself are things that suit Carrie more. Emma is more the reader of books. But that she does what Carrie wants her to do doesn’t bother her. It’s always been that way, and it’s the same with Finn. He looks out for her, just like Carrie. He takes care of her, just like Carrie. And he makes sure Emma always does the right thing, just like Carrie, who leads her to the adjacent bar in a quieter neighboring room after half an hour of dancing.
“Why the hell did we put on these clothes?” asks Emma, a little out of breath. Sex with Finn has given her stamina, and she wasn’t necessarily unathletic before. But she puffs like an old steam engine compared to Carrie, who goes to the gym weekly to work out. “And my feet are killing me.” Carrie just laughs and orders two cocktails for the girls.
“Mine too,” she confesses, leading Emma to a small table with stools. “Anything for you.” Emma believes her. She’s about to sit down but Carrie stops her. Stealthily, she points to several boys a few tables away. “You better sit facing them and I’ll show those guys my butt.”
“Thanks.” Emma blushes slightly as Carrie, in her tight dress, makes the guys’ eyes glaze over.
“Just concentrate on me” the pretty girl smiles and hands Emma her drink. “And enjoy the first part of the evening.” Emma looks at her a little surprised and Carrie laughs. She stretches her arm across the table and touches her hand. It’s a normal gesture she’s done many times before, and Emma doesn’t mind it. To her, Carrie is now a protector, not a newly converted long-term lesbian. “You think I’m going to drag you to a disco in a dress with nothing planned afterward?”
“It’s getting pretty late,” Emma says evasively, knowing that’s not true. “And I’m supposed to text Finn…” But Carrie interrupts her with her bright laugh.
“I thought we said I could take care of you for once this one night.” Did they? But Emma guesses that’s part of the deal Finn made with Carrie. And it makes sense. Naively, she suckles on her drink. The alcohol goes to her head. She never could stand alcohol.
After the drink… and another… and after the good, open-minded conversation with Carrie, Emma finds it all the easier to get back on the dance floor. By now the room is filling up with more and more people and the songs are getting even louder. But Carrie keeps an eye on Emma and makes sure that she feels comfortable. And with Carrie by her side, the bookworm doesn’t mind that so many people are around her. The evening is still young and Emma is fine. She even raises her arms as Carrie dances near her. Emma feels better and better under the gaze of the surrounding people, boys and girls alike. The music goes to her head as the alcohol and Carrie looks stunning when she moves.
That’s why she’s all the more confused when her best friend (or was that Megan?) suddenly pulls her off the dance floor. Emma is sweating a bit, breathing heavily, and the exertion and increased pulse are pumping alcohol through her veins. I didn’t really drink that much, she thinks to herself. It must be her good mood. Nevertheless, she is happy that Carrie orders another round of drinks. Once again, the two friends sit at the table and talk about all and nothing, only laughing, until Emma hits the table.
“I can’t feel my feet” she exclaims exuberantly “but sh… shit, let’s go dance.” Carrie laughs loudly and downs the remains of her drink in one go which Emma immediately imitates. There are now maybe three hundred people on the dancefloor in the other room and the bar is cramped too but Emma is fine. But then Carrie shakes her head.
“No honey.” Emma looks at her, puzzled. “Today is not just my day” says the girl in the white dress. “Even if I would die to see you dancing in this dress again. Thank you for enjoying the evening so far, but I also know that disco has never really been yours.” Carrie is right about that but Emma would spend the rest of the still young evening here with her like the two friends used to do. Emma is already a little drunk but not yet so much as to not notice how good it feels with Carrie. She likes to make her friend happy, that’s why she used to come to the disco with her. Now, after meeting Finn, after the time at the lake and the time after that, Emma realizes she doesn’t mind having fun with Carrie like that anymore.
“I’m enjoying the evening,” Emma says as Carrie gently leads her outside for some fresh air. “Really.” Emma realizes she wants to prove to her friend that she’s not just playing like she was earlier. “I like dancing with you and having fun. And I like it when you have fun. You’ve earned it.” Emma sways a little on the stairs leading to the front of the disco and Carrie holds her by the arm.
“I know Emma-mouse,” her friend says, “but this isn’t about me right now. She winks at her friend and waves a cab over. As the cab pulls up, Carrie continues to speak. “Now comes the reason I forced you into a dress, besides the fact that you look stunning.” She winks to take the sting out of her words but Emma just waves it off. Carrie helps her back into the back of the car and hands the driver a note again. Emma is already all excited but v just looks at her conspiratorially.
“Where are we going?” asks Emma curiously but her beautiful friend remains ironclad.
“I’ll blindfold you if you don’t shut up” she says with mock severity.
“I’m into that” Emma confesses and blushes. Did she say that out loud? The cabbie’s quick glance in the rearview mirror confirms her faux pas and more alcohol-infused blood rushes to her cheeks.
“Oh really” is all Carrie does and Emma looks at her a little worried. Then everything happens very quickly. At first she is startled but when Emma understands what Carrie wants to do she just giggles and thinks of beautiful feelings.
“Ready?” asks Carrie and Emma nods with the black blindfold on her face. She can’t see anything, but imagines all the stares on her. Her skin tingles. Carrie knows her really well. “This is going to blow your mind. And if you don’t, I’ll put you over my knee.” A good-humored laugh to show Emma she’s joking follows.
But Carrie makes a mistake, even if it isn’t her fault. As good as she means with Emma, the bookworm has changed. Her time with Finn has made her more attentive to her needs and desires. That so many of her innermost desires are fulfilled by this boy is like a drug for the young and naive Emma that she hasn’t learned to deal with. Finn has fulfilled her every desire and now Emma finds herself in a situation with someone equally intelligent and almost equally attractive. Emma is not a bad person. Her only flaw, if you can even call it a flaw, is that she loves Finn so much that when she feels the fabric of the blindfold on her, she can’t help but get wet. She feels it between her thighs and in her heart. It is not about Carrie and Emma knows that there is no danger from the girl. The only thing she knows for sure is that Carrie and Finn are very intelligent people who know her very well. When Carrie takes away her view of things, Emma is left alone in her dark world, a world she was afraid of before Finn. Now she is no longer afraid. Unfortunately, Emma Jackson is a girl who has not learned that love can be a bad thing. That affection can cause pain. And that even if you love someone, you don’t want the best for them. So Emma gets wet as it gets dark in her world. She thinks about Finn and what he means to her. She wastes no thought on Carrie as she is alone in the darkness with Finn. And she fills the darkness with the light her lover has given her. Just as Carrie had planned. The disaster comes because Emma, in love and finally happy, doesn’t realize that she is projecting the feelings she has for Finn onto someone else. It is not love she feels but the same sense of safety, security and purpose that Finn has shown her in her life. Emma is not to blame.
“What the…” Emma is astonished and opens her mouth. “Carrie… what…”
“Tadah!” The girl in the pure white dress spreads her arms. “God please tell me I remembered the name Amber Rosen correctly.”
“Yes…” stammers Emma. “Yes you did. But…why?” Amber Rosen is her favorite novelist and Emma can’t believe Carrie remembered that Emma has a passion for this woman almost all her life.
“Well, Star Wars was too obvious to surprise you,” Carrie waves off. “But I saw she was giving a Fire and Shadows lecture today, and I thought you might like it. I…” Carrie breaks off and catches Emma with both hands around her neck. “Oh my gosh,” she says in surprise, hugging her best friend tightly. “You’re welcome.”
“Thanks!” Emma giggles because Carrie is – as always – one step ahead of her. “Thank you Carrie! With all the newness in my life, I had completely forgotten about that.”
“I can understand that,” the other girl reassures. “Relationships can be stressful sometimes.” Understanding, she puts a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I have to admit that’s why we went to the disco.” Suddenly, Carrie doesn’t look so confident, and Emma feels a twinge in her good-natured heart. “I had to make time until the reading started, keep it a secret from you, and at the same time… well…”
“Go ahead and say it” Emma says good-heartedly, hugging her friend in front of everyone.
“I just wanted to spend more time with you.” It doesn’t occur to Emma that this time could be spent with Finn. She’s too overwhelmed and caught up in the moment.
“Thank you Carrie, that means so much to me.” Relieved, the young Miss Wilson exhales and takes Emma by the hand. Together they walk into the building. Throughout the book reading, Emma stares transfixed at her female heroine reading from her latest book while Carrie keeps glancing at her from the side. Emma notices this, but thinks that Carrie wants to make sure she enjoys the evening. And the evening is really wonderful. After the reading, interested fans gather in the foyer of the auditorium and wait anxiously for Amber Rosen. Emma is all jittery and behaves like a little child while Carrie, who doesn’t criticize this behavior like usual, sips her champagne with relish. Emma also has a glass in her hand, actually the second one, she is so nervous.
“I hope she notices me” she whines excitedly and Carrie grunts amusedly into her glass. Then Miss Rosen steps out of a dorway and is immediately surrounded by a cluster of young women. Carrie takes her best friend’s hand again and this time Emma returns the gesture as her friend pulls her through the crowd. “Carrie… what are you doing…”
“You need to assert yourself Emma. I’m going to make sure you get what you deserve.” Emma sees the behavior, associates it with Finn as well, but can’t make the connections fast enough in her alcohol-addled head, and there she is, standing in front of her heroine… And she’s looking at Emma.
“You must be Emma” she says, holding out her hand. The bookworm’s mouth drops and Carrie giggles.
“Okay, I may have pulled some strings. I have connections, after all.” As Emma begins to drool, Carrie turns to the older woman with silver-gray hair. “Thank you for taking the time to talk to us Miss Rosen.” The older woman waves off.
“No problem. I am indebted to you for this generous donation. Let me just quickly satisfy my other fans. See you in half an hour.” Then the woman turns from the two girls.
“Carrie!” hisses Emma in near panic. “What was that?!” She slaps her hands in front of her mouth and Carrie grins as she leads Emma to a slightly quieter place. The black dress is a little rumpled but Emma doesn’t notice while she stares at Carrie in disbelief.
“I wanted to give you a present honey.” She lightly touches the girl’s arm. Again, she looks crestfallen. “I didn’t really play nice at the lake.”
“Carrie…”
“No wait. I mean it. I haven’t been fair to you. What you have with Finn, I have to respect that.”
“But Carrie! Ten minutes with Amber Rosen is too much for that!”
“Half an hour, actually.”
“Half an…” Carrie spills some of her champagne while Emma, beautiful Emma falls around her neck. Their handbags clash and a few faces turn to them, but the display of unbridled joy is drowned out in the commotion over Miss Rosen. As Carrie returns the hug, Emma, in her state, doesn’t realize the mistake she’s making. To her, it’s just expressing joy and affection for Carrie through feelings and experiences she has Finn to thank for, not belittling him in comparison to what Carrie has done. For Emma, it’s just beautiful.
And it gets even better as her dream really does come true. More champagne flows as the three women, along with maybe ten others, participate in a VIP discussion that must have cost Carrie a fortune. Emmais on cloud nine and can’t think about Finn as Aber Rosen discusses her latest book with her. Carrie just grins the whole time while the other one’s cheeks get redder and redder. After three quarters of an hour, it’s done and Emma feels weak and wobbly on her feet from adrenaline.
“Amber Rosen…” she just moans, “Carrie that was amazing.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet,” the girl grins, then smooths out her words. “You earned it.” She supports Emma on the way out. By now it is late in the evening and night has already fallen. The streets are starting to empty but Carrie isn’t done yet. “When was the last time you ate something?” Emma doesn’t think about Finn and his affection, she is too dazed and too hungry. She just feels the same feeling her lover gives her, but can’t place it back to him. She shrugs her shoulders. “Unacceptable. Come with me!” commands Carrie, and Emma obeys as she has been taught.
“How are you doing?” asks Carrie.
“I love it,” Emma says between bites into her burger. Carrie has led the two girls to a semi-official restaurant. There are fries and burgers like the actually down-to-earth Emma loves, only at triple the price. But at least they don’t stand out here in their fancy clothes. The girls sit across from each other and Carrie nibbles on her salad, and while Emma attacks her bruger, her friend watches her closely. Emma just smiles and is happy.
“That’s what I like about you Emma” says Carrie. “It’s so easy to please you. You’re so easygoing.” Emma shrugs her shoulders.
“What can I say?” The alcohol makes it hard for her to concentrate and her head is filled with Amber Rosen, great stories, dancing, joy and innocence. She feels a little uncomfortable not being able to give Carrie more for this wonderful evening except her thanks and her smile which always made the pretty blonde girl smile. As she is doing now.
“You could let me wipe this off” Carrie laughs, grabbing a napkin from the table and gently wiping the corners of the other girl’s mouth. The sauce on the burger is the burner. The intimate gesture makes Emma flinch a bit but Carrie remains determined.
“Hey,” she says without making a face. “We’ve been friends for so long, it’s okay to do stuff like that.” She giggles and Emma leans forward submissively while Carrie strokes her mouth gently.
“Right,” Emma acknowledges awkwardly, showing herself openly to her friend. “All gone?” Carrie nods.
“I know something like that must be weird coming from a girl like me” she growls, looking down at the floor. That hurts the feelings of innocent Emma.
“What, no! Carrie, come on.” This time it’s she who grabs her friend’s hand across the table. “You know I really, really like you.”
“Really?” The question throws Emma off course. She doesn’t know how to answer but Carrie looks at her wide-eyed. “At that, I haven’t really acted like a girlfriend.”
“Yes you have!” insists Emma. “You were great. You still are!” In her state, she can’t really think straight, and the past with Carrie blurs into one long, fond memory. She just drank too much alcohol. “We’ve been friends for so long Carrie and I’m so incredibly grateful to you that we’re friends. Our friendship has been going for so long and you’ve given me so much.”
“Yeah…maybe…true.” Carrie wrestles with herself. “Like when I taught you that you were a strong woman.” Now Emma remembers the day Carrie talks about. When she cleared her head and dispelled her insecurities. The poor girl forgets that Finn was the one who made her complete. She nods eagerly to Carrie. “Or when we settled our divisions with Finn and his world.” Carrie says things that are true but Emma can’t quite put her finger on it. But she trusts Carrie. “But it must have bothered you that I’m a lesbian and not bi, right?”
“No! No way!” And poor Emma taps into the next trap. “I love you just the way you are Carrie. I don’t care if you’re a lesbian or bi. Hell, I sleep with women too and I like it.” Memories come flooding back to Emma. The night with Megan and…
“That you trust me honors me Emma.” Carrie seems tense at first, and Emma focuses on her. Then she seems better. “Our bond is already very strong isn’t it?”
“The strongest!” Emma doesn’t notice. And that is enough for her friend.
“And what about Finn?” Carrie asks this question matter-of-factly, and only now does it break over Emma. It’s not the president-(soon to be) elect’s fault, Emma slept through it.
“Finn…” She wants to raise her hands in front of her face but Carrie stops her.
“It’s okay Emma. It’s okay.”
“I forgot about Finn all this time!” Her eyes go wide as Emma realizes what she’s done. She looks at the clock. 21:36 in the evening. She forgot to call Finn like she promised her dad! She quickly yanks her arm up and goes to reach into her shoulder bag but Carrie reassures her.
“He loves you Emma. He’s not mad at you. Believe me.”
“But…today…I barely thought about him.”
“I don’t always think about my boyfriend either” the lesbian says, reassuring Emma. “Everyone sees that Finn loves you incredibly. I’ve known you half our lives, longer than Finn has known you, and I know what I see.” Emma looks at her best friend for help. “Don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong with not thinking about him for a day.” But Emma has a hard time not feeling guilt. Luckily, Carrie helps her with that. “Hey. How long have you guys been together? A month? A little less? You haven’t known each other long, let alone like this. He’s your first boyfriend. So let me tell you that’s pretty normal.”
“But the rose-colored glasses…”
“You have them on, don’t worry. For you Finn is still the shining hero at the moment, that’s quite normal. And you’re acting like it too, everyone can see that.” Carrie says it all soberly and kindly. One friend is talking to another. Two girls are talking about a boy. “Once you’ve been together for a few years, you’ll see that he loves you endlessly and doesn’t forget you for a single day.” Emma lowers her burger, which suddenly tastes like rotten flesh. The romantic ambience of the restaurant doesn’t help and even the warm food, the warm light and the warm air can’t thaw the lump of ice that forms in her stomach.
“But I forgot about him…” Carrie looks at Emma encouragingly.
“But only for a day.” And it’s done.
“But he never forgets me.” Emma starts to panic slightly. “He… He’s always thinking about me.”
“He’s a good friend.” But Emma doesn’t hear the words. Carrie clasps both hands of the girl in the black dress with her hands. Black is the evil color, white is the good. And Emma grasps the hands of her saving friend. Something is wrong, she notices. Why didn’t she think of Finn? Why didn’t she let him in on her fun? Carrie is right, she has a right to be alone, to have fun alone, with her friends. But Emma Jackson always thought she wouldn’t need that, would have enough to live with Finn. And she is definitely still in the romantic phase. What if that phase wears off? Wide-eyed, she looks to Carrie for help who recognizes the distress call and, being a best friend, rushes to help. “Emma, he loves you. You have a normal relationship. Things like that happen…”
“But our relationship isn’t normal.” Carrie looks concerned.
“Emma listen. Yes, you’re in a relationship with a boyfriend who has I don’t know how many other girls. Okay. You know how I feel about that. But that doesn’t mean it can’t work out.” Carrie tries to cheer Emma up. “Who says Finn can’t love all of you?”
“He can,” his elf says tonelessly. “But…” Carrie watches her friend closely. “But what…” She can’t say it. But Carrie can. Emma doesn’t even know exactly what she can’t say. But Carrie knows.
“What if he’s not the one?” Emma says nothing. She wonders how this evening could have been so devastating. Still she doesn’t understand what happened, can’t believe it. What’s happening? “He loves you, everyone can see that… But…” Emma looks at Carrie. Her friend has nothing but compassion in her eyes. “But what if you don’t love him?”
“I love him,” Emma whispers desperately, glad that her best friend, her pretty friend is there to protect her. Suddenly everything feels so awful but Carrie might be right. “Right?”
“Only you can say that, Emma.” Her friend sounds crestfallen. She, too, shares the sorrow Emma feels. It binds them together. “But doesn’t that imply you’re having doubts? I’m just asking. I mean, he cares about you, he knows you, he… commands you when you need it, I suppose the sex is okay, or great,” she shrugs “you clearly have common interests, he’s considerate of you, he makes sacrifices for you. That’s love, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know.” A tear rolls down her cheek and Emma tries to wipe it away, but only clumsily bumps her glasses. The things Carrie listed, Emma loves her Finn for. But she got the same from Carrie tonight. And what did she give her…or what did she give him back?
“Having doubts is okay Emma. Everyone has doubts!” says Carrie, knowing what Emma is afraid of.
“Finn doesn’t have doubts!” It comes out defiantly in a croaky voice on the verge of breaking. Carrie laughs bitterly at Emma and it only makes her feel more drawn to her friend.
“Everyone has doubts Emma. Finn does too. That’s what makes him such a good boyfriend to you. I could kick myself for not seeing that sooner.” She shakes her head. “Of course he doubts. He just wants what’s best for you.” She smiles encouragingly. “For his elf.” The word brings up more painfully beautiful memories in Emma. Another tear follows. She feels as if she has betrayed Finn. A day before, everything was perfect. And now…
“We were talking about kids” Emma confesses to her friend, wiping her nose with her forearm. “I never thought I would. But we did. He brought me and William closer together and… I want kids with him.” Carrie understands Emma, the bookworm firmly believes. She knows she does.
“And does he wish them too?”
“Yes,” sniffs Emma. “I think so.” She doesn’t know anymore. She’s scared.
“And what about the other girls?” Emma freezes and she almost throws up, now realizing the true fear she has.
“What about Millie?” She knows exactly where this is going. She immediately thought of his littlest sister when she asked the question. And she’s panicked, all-consumed to hear the answer to her question. But Carrie is a good friend. She knows Emma needs to hear the answer.
“What if the other girls, Millie apparently, want kids too? How do you guys think that’s going to happen? How is Finn going to raise all these kids? What do your parents say? You can’t keep children a secret. Or are you all going to leave your families? What will you do financially? What…” Carrie stops when she sees what is going on inside Emma. She doesn’t feel anything herself, but her best friend looks at Emma as if death is sitting in front of her.
“I know…” she whispers and Carrie doesn’t dare ask. “I know…”
“Emma…”
Carrie is right. Finn is the Perfect Boyfriend for Emma. He is the Perfect Person in her life. Kind, nice, courteous, commanding, sexy, funny, responsible, confident, and so many wonderful things more. And Emma… Emmastarts to shake. And Carrie saves her.
“Okay that’s enough Emma.” She stands up, circles the table and wraps the trembling girl in her arms. The usually reserved Carrie lets herself go in front of all the guests and hugs Emmatightly. “Finn is a good friend to you Emma. You need to realize that.” Emma presses her face against her friend’s arm and holds onto her, saying nothing and suffering. As kind and accommodating as Carrie is, as helpful and intelligent. There’s one thing she doesn’t know.
“Yes. Finn is perfect for me.” Emma doesn’t see the look on her friend’s face, “But I’m not perfect for him.”
Writing Shark 