by Writing Shark
Appetite for the world
Almost cautiously, you set foot in the kitchen of your apartment. Compared to the white-painted room, your little utility room looks tiny, but you can’t blame Jackson. After all, you don’t have to pay rent. How can you, from the little money your lousy job at the supermarket brings in? The man of the house is already sitting at the table talking to his partner. Cassie has meanwhile put on a cozy long-sleeved sweater from which her dainty fingers are just barely protruding. She still has her jeans on. Jackson seems to have just come from work and is wearing his white shirt with his company’s logo on it.
“Hey you meanie,” he greets you, laughing. “Cas told me you were messing with her?”
“He would never mess with me,” his girlfriend says before you can even say it.
“Then take off your shirt” Jackson demands, winking at her. Briefly, you doubt, but then pull your blue t-shirt over your head, revealing your abs. “See honey, same as always.” You can’t believe it and stare at them both. Maybe they just haven’t paid that much attention to my body in the past? But Cassie’s been on top of you several times in the last few weeks alone.
“It’s okay,” the girl pouts, then grins at you. “He was talking funny stuff and I believed him.” Cassie is too smart to fall for tricks you know. But it seems real. “Finn wouldn’t lie to me.” That sends an iron rod through your stomach that would have sent you to the bathroom a few days ago. Now you see how trustworthy Cassie looks at you. It can’t be real. What’s happening here? If only to be able to give your best friend an answer and not lie to her, you have to find out what’s going on. Maybe they’re just messing with you. But Cassie wouldn’t be that mean. Jackson, on the other hand… Slowly, you sink into your seat at the table. Three days ago you had your accident. Now it’s evening, just like then, but you feel completely different. You feel fantastic, not a hint of nausea or headache. But most of all you feel confused. But then your heart warms as Cassie touches your hand. Jackson sees it but doesn’t make a face. He knows how Cassie feels about you and wouldn’t dare tell her what to do, especially because he knows you wouldn’t do anything. Wouldn’t you? “Close your eyes” Cassie grins and you follow her request. “Now open them.” In front of you is a small chocolate cupcake with white icing and a small candle on top. Cassie’s face is beaming and Jackson is smiling too. “Happy belated birthday,” she smiles, “Here’s to all your wishes coming true.” You blow out the candle.
“Thank you.”
“Make a wish,” says the girl of your dreams. And this time, today, after your passing and the miracle that you are still on this earth, with Cassie, you make the wish you’ve always wanted. “So?” Cassie looks at you, smiling.
“Like I’d tell you,” you grin, managing to dodge a punch.
“Mean!”
“That’s the rules honey” Jackson laughs too, petting his girlfriend. Your stomach twinges. Cassie returns the gesture and embraces her boyfriend, kissing him sensually on the mouth. The first half of your wish has come true, as always. You are happy because Cassie is happy.
“Thank you for bringing us together Finn,” Cassie hums as she leans against her boyfriend. “We never really thanked you for it but I’m so happy because of you.”
“Yeah,” Jackson agrees. “Thanks, Finn.” What the…? Then a beep goes off behind you and you turn to face it.
“Shit!” shrieks Cassie and rushes off. Amid laughter from you and Jackson, she dishes up the dinner she’s prepared.
“Ravioli shouldn’t be so black,” Jackson says, trying to stab one of the noodles with his fork. Pouting, his girlfriend sits next to him, but only watches you.
“Crap,” she grumbles, looking genuinely crestfallen. “I was going to take the cooking off of Finn today to celebrate.”
“Everyone in this house has their role honey,” Jackson says. That hurts to hear, but you don’t make a face either. You are already used to Jackson having to show his dominance from time to time. While your three plates with the brown-black slush stand in front of you, you try to cheer Cassie up.
“I’ll share my cake with you,” you suggest.
“No way,” Cassie counters while Jackson is already nodding. “It’s just for you.” You wave it off.
“I don’t need it.” Demonstratively, you jam your fork into the gloop on your plate and shovel a load of ‘noodles’ into your mouth. After coughing and wiping a tear from your eye, you opine, “This tastes fantastic.” A lie, and a bold one at that, but still it doesn’t break your rule. You just want Cassie to be okay, even if you have to poison yourself to do it so soon after your miraculous recovery. You are already congratulating yourself on your great coup, when it happens.
Wordlessly Jackson lifts his fork, takes it to his plate and brings it to his mouth. You watch speechless as he takes a bite, chews on it, then swallows.
“That’s right…” he mumbles, not making a face. “Tastes really yummy.” He nods to Cassie who beams with delight.
“Oh thanks, guys” she croons and pats both of your hands.
Wordlessly, you watch your two friends devour the disgusting food and Jackson keeps assuring Cassie how delicious it is. The truth is, you almost despair. As you watch the two of them finish their meal. By now you’re sure that something in your life has changed drastically, visible in your outrageous happiness and the behavior of the people around you. But it could also be because Jackson doesn’t want to embarrass Cassie. You swallow hard. Something has to be done.
“Hey… guys?” Your voice is a murmur but still your roommates look at you, chewing.
“What?” wants Cassie to know with her mouth full.
“Oh nothing.” Fuck! But it doesn’t help. If you’re right, then there’s only one thing you want and it’s out of the question. The risk is too great but more importantly, you respect Cassie as a friend.
“Come here honey,” Jackson says when you don’t say anything else and are still chewing on a rock-hard ravioli and pulls his girlfriend close to him. Oh yeah, it’s Friday night, it occurs to you, and you don’t get sick over the food this time. Your roommates have a healthy sex life that is the envy of all their friends. Despite both of their jobs, they still manage to be interested in each other after several years of dating, and you’re not the only one predicting a happy marriage once Jackson proposes to Cassie. As his best friend, he has even already shown you the ring and so Jackson is just waiting for the right moment. And as Cassie’s best friend and childhood buddy, you know from her that she can’t wait.
“Leave that” giggles your great love, but doesn’t resist her lover’s advances too much. Being so open with Cassie, you know all too well what she likes in bed and what Jackson wants from her. An ‘advantage’ of your close relationship is that Cassie trusts you and your judgment in every area of her life, especially since you’ve never done anything to jeopardize their happiness.
“Never mind” Jackson murmurs into his girlfriend’s ear and kisses her on the cheek. Cassie always pulls her shoulder up and tilts her head, as she is doing now. You avert your gaze. Jackson is not a bad person, only very rarely he can’t manage to show his superiority over you. “Finn doesn’t mind, do you, buddy?” It’s only understandable that he doesn’t wait for an answer and Cassie doesn’t look at you either. Just another Friday night.
“Yes, I do mind.” What? Wait…oh…shiiiiiit… You tear up. Cassie and Jackson are both just looking at you, pausing in their positions, Jackson’s hand on Cassie’s shoulder, her hands wrapped around his hips.
There goes your carefree life together. You’ve crossed the line and they have every right…
“Sorry,” Cassie says meekly and… lets go of Jackson. What the…
“Yeah… sorry.” And Jackson lets go of Cassie. The girl even moves her chair a little away from her friend. You drop your fork into the brown stuff that is your dinner tonight.
“Especially after everything that’s happened, we’d better get ourselves under control.” Cassie looks at you apologetically and you feel like you’re about to get a nosebleed.
“No… I…” you mumble, but you don’t really mean it. It hurts you every time Jackson shows you how much he makes Cassie happy and only the fact that it’s Cassie has made you stay in the apartment so far. But actually you have been lying to yourself all along. You don’t stay in the apartment because you don’t have to pay rent, or because Jackson is your best friend, or because your chores make you feel useful, or because it’s not far from school and work, or because you don’t know anyone else in this damn town. You’re staying here because of Cassie. You look out for her, you adore her, you make sure she has the life you want for her. And Cassie’s happy with that.
But the thing about lies is that they never work forever. Especially not when you lie to yourself. The truth is what always wins out in the end. And the truth is that you’re in love with Cassie. The truth is that you detest Jackson, for all his merits and actually quite good character, for having Cassie and not you. The truth is that you wish you were the person in Cassie’s life. And the truth is that you are quite sure that you now have the opportunity to make Cassie happy. Happier than she is with Jackson.
“Finn?” Her hand touches your arm again. She sits alone, touching only you, not Jackson, and looks at you with worry. “What can I do?” She means it, stands fully behind her words. You know her better than anyone, better than Jackson knows her. She means it. “What…should I do?”
Writing Shark 