by Writing Shark
The (false) lessons of turbo-capitalism
The mall in her hometown is really doing everything it can to get people shopping. And it’s working. The bright lights, the pleasant warmth, the friendly salespeople, the oversized signs with price reductions and advertisements, and the relaxing but upbeat music that echoes through the wide, clean aisles. But all of this only works if people also have an underlying mood to which the good messages of consumerism can attach. Emma Jackson doesn’t have this basic attitude and so the mall seems gray and dull, she doesn’t care about people’s smiles and the music doesn’t reach her.
Emma feels a whole range of emotions, some of them she understands, some she doesn’t, and others worry her, gnaw at her, and have for a while. She didn’t understand at first, but it was impossible for her to go lingerie shopping with her friends. She used to go with them, sometimes even telling Karen what she thought, and even then she realized that she didn’t mind seeing another girl naked. Even if she was a bit ashamed of her appearance and image at that time. But Carrie quickly drove these thoughts out of her and replaced them with a pride in being a young, pretty, independent woman. This conviction has guided Emma through her life and helped her in every area but one. And at the center of that is her handsome, charming, helpful, funny, kind, loving boyfriend… with his impressive tool between his gorgeous legs. The thought would normally be enough to make Emma smile but Finn isn’t here, she is alone. And ever since Finn came into her life, the purpose Carrie gave her has been as hollow as an old balloon, left behind after a party where people try to escape reality.
The reality, the truth, is that Emma Jackson has wanted someone like Finn Lynchwood all her life and now she finds that he surpasses everything she has ever wanted. Her boyfriend has given her a purpose, a meaning in life and filled her existence with so much joy, turning all those years of secret longing into something so glorious that she almost went crazy on her first night with him. The thought of being with the boy she has loved for half her life, of feeling the definite hands of Megan on her, guiding and determining her, Emma is still so happy about it now and can’t understand what she did to deserve it. She has everything in life she’s ever wanted, and more… and yet she’s wandering the happy mall corridors alone, moping. It makes her angry. Angry at herself, at not understanding what’s going on. Isn’t Finn enough for her? He can’t be not. There is one thing in all this chaos she is absolutely sure about. She’d like to ask someone, one of her friends. But Megan and the others don’t seem to be plagued by the problems that haunt Emma. The other girlfriends are in their pink world and everything is perfect.
“And it is, isn’t it?” exclaims Emma to herself, playing with her fingers. There are only a few days between her and Karen, a cosmic tininess compared to the time they’ll all still spend with Finn. And they all have their own problems. It’s not that Emma is alone. She’s never alone. She has so many friends around her now…and Finn. “What’s wrong?” Emma is smart, but she can’t solve this mystery. And Carrie isn’t there to help her either. Emma has willingly and joyfully left her initial world and built a new one with Finn and the other girls. But if even Megan hasn’t found her place in it yet…what about me? The thought terrifies Emma and she looks around lost, all around her nothing but happy strangers.
This is certainly not how Finn had envisioned his relationship with her, Emma is sure. But now that she’s left Carrie behind in her old life, she can only rely on herself to find a place in the group where everyone seems to have arrived. Even Karen. Emma doesn’t want to think that way, and it makes her even angrier to realize that she’s gone down that path. She doesn’t understand why she feels this way, or if these are even her real feelings. And that makes it even worse. The only thing she is clear about is that she is uncomfortable going underwear shopping with the other girls for her boyfriend.
“That wasn’t usually the problem, was it?” she murmurs, continuing to roam the aisles, past the fronts of various stores. No, Emma is right. She has no problem undressing in front of Megan and being her little puppy, in fact she likes it. Emma the elf. The thought calms the girl a little, though not much. She must quickly find a solution to whatever is bothering her at the moment. She can’t be the next problem for her lover now that Megan and Maureen are doing better and Karen is finding her way into the harem. Emma feels that she is very close to understanding what is going on inside her, she knows which foundations are missing and which still need to be created, but she is not there yet. Maybe she should ask Carrie for advice.
Out of the corner of her eye, Emma then recognizes where she is. Of course, she has been walking in circles something that seems only logical to her in the situation she is in. The mall is built open and so Emma can hear the lighthearted laughter of Megan one floor upwards. She, on the other hand, is standing alone in front of Troll Hill, the cosplay store. That helps. Emma doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to try on lingerie but she feels more comfortable in the world in front of her. It’s like earlier when she was alone, without Finn and believing her friends wouldn’t understand her. Emma is alone but so she is only responsible for herself. And that makes her happy and she needs that happiness now because she doesn’t understand why she is worried.
And like so many other anxious people, Emma makes the all too understandable mistake of falling back into old habits.
“Hey Emma,” a saleswoman cheerfully greets the girl and waves. Emma is a welcome sight at Troll Hill and almost every vendor knows the shy girl who has bought many smaller things here. The two girls hug. “Long time no see” she then says.
“I was away with friends for a while” Emma says a bit shyly and lowers her gaze.
“Hey cool” the girl is happy. “Did you have fun?” Images of Finn flash before her eye, the night with him and Megan, the sex, the feelings, the orgy.
“Yeah.” The salesgirl quirks, but doesn’t probe further. That’s how she knows Emma. She likes the girl who has already made her store a lot of money. But she was still hoping that maybe interacting with a few friends would thaw her out a bit. It would be nice to see Emma get out of her shell. Too bad it didn’t work out.
“Shall I leave you alone and you look around as usual?” The salesgirl just wants to help, but knows how shy Emma is.
“Actually… I would need your help please.” Her friend raises her eyebrows in surprise, but otherwise tries not to let her know. What could Emma possibly need help with? Certainly not with little characters from her favorite movies.
“Oh wow” the saleswoman makes as she stands with Emma in front of the same shelf the younger members of the harem were standing in front of earlier. “A new project?” So far, Emma has never let anyone help her with this.
“No… uh…” Where has your pride gone, Emma wonders angrily. What would Finn think of you? “I met someone and…”
“Not true!” her friend gasps at Emma, who blushes and lets her hair fall in front of her face. “Sorry. Keep talking.”
“Actually…” The shy girl is starting to get scared. She should shout it out to the world and yet she holds back. “I have a boyfriend.” The salesgirl would like to hug Emma, but they don’t know each other that well. Besides, it would surely be infinitely embarrassing for the girl. Nevertheless, the employee is happy to hear that Emma has finally taken the step toward togetherness.
“So are you looking for something for a costume party with your new crush?” she asks instead quite competently, but can’t help smiling happily while Emma squirms next to her.
“No… We… Have only been dating for a little while… and…”
“Oh… OH!” Now the Troll Hill employee understands. At first she’s embarrassed but Emma certainly doesn’t have anyone else to talk to about her kinks. Certainly not that ice princess Carrie. Elsa and Anna are definitely out of the question. “Cool,” she prefers to say, putting her hands on her hips. “Do you want to look for it yourself, or do you want me to help you?”
“I’ve never… done anything like this before.” A knowing sideway glance is enough to make Emma blush.
“What are your kinks?”
“What?”
“Your preferences girl” says the saleswoman. She knows she’s crossing a line here, but her favorite customer looks quite lost. “My boyfriend likes the shy schoolgirl in skirt and glasses” she whispers to Emma and winks. “That always works. Or the sexy nun? You’d have to do something with the costume there but I’m sure it’ll look great in the end.” But Emma shakes her head.
“My boyfriend…” Her whole aura seems to change, Emma becomes lighter and happier as she thinks of Finn. At least that hasn’t changed. “My boyfriend calls me his elf.” She’s quite proud of that.
“Uh interesting. Suits you. Makes it an easy decision, doesn’t it? Come on.” The girl pulls Emma along the shelf with her until she finds it. “This should be it” she says, showing Emma the photo on the package. The bookworm gets all red in the face. “I’m sure you can change something about it to make it sluttier or leave it as is. It’s up to you.”
“Sluttier…” muses Emma, looking at the bag in her hands. What would Finn want? “Thanks,” she finally says, giving her friend a smile.
“No problem” she replies but realizes that she did everything she could.
“I’ll make something of it” Emma adds, hoping to reassure her friend. You can’t help me now, but I thank you for trying. She does say, however, “Do you have anything else I can buy him?” The saleswoman’s face brightens.
Some time later, Emma Jackson is holding a large plastic bag. In it, at the very bottom, is the elf costume for Finn of which she is not yet sure whether to cut it slutty or chaste, and on top she has placed a gift of which she hopes her boyfriend will like. Emma likes to please people and it hurts her even more to know that the big blue and white stuffed shark is also an excuse. For what, actually? He’s not mad at me at all. But Emma is mad at herself, mad at not knowing what’s bothering her, just realizing there’s something there. The shark is a reminder of the aquarium and the magical experience inside, but also an apology for her great love, for not giving him what he really wants, her happiness.
Now that she is alone again, Emma can do what is necessary and what she does best. She sits down on a bench that is arranged in a circle around a small fountain, swings one leg on the seat and looks into space. Finn is important to her and he deserves her concerns. She is intelligent and as she thinks back to the last time she is relieved to feel warmth and happiness. That he is there for her, caring for her and at the same time making her understand that she is free overwhelms Emma. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t understand why she deserves him and why he is with her…. And that triggers the bad thoughts. Emma grits her teeth, frowns slightly, and as if automatically, her gaze lowers. Finn wouldn’t want her to think like that, and would do something about it, too. That’s why Emma loves her boyfriend so much. He never gives up, no matter how bad she feels and he always puts a smile on her lips. I miss him, she thinks, but knows it’s only been a few hours since she last saw her lover. My owner. Emma belongs to him and it fills the girl with great pride that she has found the strength to communicate her wishes to her beloved master. She loves him incredibly. She wants to be with him, to belong to him. She misses him, even if they are only separated for a short time. That’s love, Emma knows that. But there’s also something else, something just as important as her love for Finn. There is her destiny.
It took Emma Jackson a long time to realize, to really understand, how she feels about Finn. That she loves him was clear to her pretty quickly. But for Emma, it’s more than that. A destiny is something you are certain of, something that will never change. Finn is her destiny and now Emma Jackson knows why she feels the way she does. She belongs to him, she is his. Her body, her mind, and her soul. And it feels so good. A shy smile is on her lips and her gaze lifts, looking past the moving bodies, the bright lights and the pleasant colors into another world where she is with Finn. Just him and me… forever.
__ Emma startles, and the color drains from her world as quickly as if someone had spilled bleach over it. She’s alone with Finn. All alone. In the beautiful, horrible thought in her head, her boyfriend and she are dancing alone in a grand ballroom. Emma herself finds the thought ridiculous, she can’t even dance and Finn wouldn’t know which of them would look worse in this display of bullshit flirtation. Anxiously, Emma looks at the happy surroundings of the mall. None of the bystanders notice what’s going on in the girl’s head, and young Miss Jackson is alone with her destructive thoughts that cut through the self-imposed veil of her ignorance and reveal what scares her most. She wants Finn, her friend, lover and owner… all to herself. For so long she has fought against it, always knowing that he would have other girls. And then she got him, and it was more than she could ever dream of. It swept her away into a world of joy and trust and Emma didn’t care who stood by her side while she got together with Finn. She even sacrificed herself and put herself between his youngest sister and his enemy.
Emma is too inexperienced to understand what is happening inside her. She is afraid of the sudden realization that she loves Finn far more than even she had thought. What he has already understood catches her off guard, and so love wreaks havoc on in a girl who only knows giving all her life. With love comes lust and greed and Emma is for Finn what he needs not to take this greed out on his girlfriends. Young naive and innocent Emma is something Finn can possess, something that belongs only to him when he wants to share everything else with his girlfriends. Unfortunately, Emma never learned to apply this role of sacrifice to her own life, never understood that in love it is normal to want someone only for herself. As smart as Emma is, she can’t win this battle and it doesn’t occur to her that the way to the solution is so easy. It is simple, true love that binds the two, the desire to be together forever. But Emma is a child of a normal upbringing and a small moment of weakness is enough to make her think she is not enough for him. A moment of doubt and she succumbs to the danger that lurks beneath the surface. The thought that her love for Finn might not be real, precisely because he feels so much love.
That alone would never be enough to tear Emma Jackson from the side of her great love. A simple thought, even more so in such a nonsensical place as a mall on such a beautiful, carefree day would never have the power to shake her like that. But as with all disasters, it’s not just one thing that happens but a string of terrible, stupid, unnecessary mistakes that lead to a decision in her tortured brain. First, there is the general insecurity Emma has felt all her life. She can deal with it, always has. But the simple fact that she has felt nothing but happiness over the last few weeks makes the darkness seem all the more terrible, the fear that she might not deserve her beloved Finn. Then her freedom in dealing with other girls thunders at her like an artillery strike. Once a reason to smile and even a relief that she could have sex with Megan and Finn without problems, a reason to rejoice that she can stay by his side even when he sleeps with other girls, now Emma is haunted by the thought that her feelings might not be real.
And so love becomes greed, fear becomes inadequacy, lust becomes possessiveness. And Emma despairs. With pleading and moist eyes, she looks around in search of something, someone. In search of Finn. But he is not there. Finn is not there. Her lower lip begins to tremble and Emma is angry at herself, crying like a child, helpless. Another rock ties itself around her ankles and pulls her down. She wants to call her boyfriend and owner, her fingers already clenching around her cell phone, typing in his number and pressing the green button. But what should she tell him? That she’s having a nervous breakdown and he should come get her? Is that how she wants to be a friend to him? None of the other girls act like that. She quickly pushes the call away again and clenches her teeth until they hurt. Megan runs away and comes back a happy woman, but hasn’t forced him to change anything. Maureen makes mistakes and sorts them out on her own.
“Shit… Millie…” Little, inexperienced, young Millie Lynchwood turns her own life around, Denise goes to therapy. And I’m sitting here… helpless and useless… And of course it gets worse when her cell phone vibrates briefly in her hand. Emma is even happy when she reads the name on the display.
‘Hey my elf. You called? What’s up?’ Emma doesn’t know what to say. Of course everything is not okay, everything sucks. But it’s up to her, she knows that much. She can’t tell him that she’s sad, he’d drop everything and come to her, when that’s exactly her problem. She also can’t tell him that he shouldn’t take care of her like that, because she wants him to and because it would hurt him.
‘Nothing,’ she writes and feels miserable. Then she adds another message. ‘Everything’s okay.’ With this she has lied to her boyfriend for the first time and Emma commits the next mistake out of innocent ignorance. She thinks she’s doing this for him. But of course Finn is smarter than her, so she confided in him with everything she has. He’s smart and strong and she doesn’t deserve him as a boyfriend.
‘What’s wrong love? I surely know when something’s wrong.’ He sends a grinning smiley face behind to show he means well. And before Emma can think of another lie, he saves her again. ‘You’re welcome to cancel the date with Carrie if you like. I didn’t want to push you. If you’d rather do something with me, that’s okay too. And remember, I’ll see you at your house tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to it.’
Tomorrow night, Finn helps Emma babysit her unruly brother for an evening when their parents are out of the house.
‘No, everything’s really okay’ is the only thing Emma can write. ‘You were right,’ she saves herself. ‘I should see Carrie again sometime. And I’m looking forward to tomorrow, too.’ The thought of being alone with Finn makes her stomach feel light but now it only makes it ache and the butterflies in it dissolve in her stomach acid. Emma sniffles loudly and fights the tears while life goes on around her.
‘I believe you Elfie my love,’ Finn writes. ‘The main thing is that we see each other and I can be close to you. I miss you.’ And Emma can’t help herself, she is powerless against him. She feels good. Just reading how he feels about her, that he misses her makes her world whole again and revives the poor butterflies in her stomach while it settles. Emma smiles and feels healed. For Finn, she can push herself, rise, and pull herself together. For her great love, she can feel happiness and look forward to the future because he does too. And for her owner, she can think about swinging her legs over his shoulders and kissing him to the sounds of John Williams. Tomorrow night.
‘I love you so much Finn. My love and my master.’ She giggles while the drooling emoji is sent back. It’s so simple after all. Why did she act like this? Emma has already made mistakes just like any other person as well. But one thing is certain for the young girl. The love she feels for Finn is real, pure, unspoiled and strong and he feels the same way. And even if Emma doubts herself, her owner does not. Just the thought that she let it get this far makes her groan in embarrassment and bury her face in her hands. Love is complicated. But Finn makes it simple.
Happy about this simplicity and relieved that Finn loves her, Emma puts the cell phone away, checking the time beforehand. The other girls haven’t called yet and Emma has some time to herself. It was supposed to scare her, but now her thoughts move more freely, no longer so ponderous, and she can steer them in all directions without fear of bumping into something that could be dangerous to her. Emma feels safe, just by the thought of her boyfriend. Yes, she wants more from Finn and she still doesn’t think she is able to control her feelings. She doesn’t know how to deal with it. But Finn knows and won’t let her hurt him or any of the other girls. Emma knows that she loves him, maybe too much. But it’s not up to her to decide and that helps. She is afraid of wanting too much, the other girls hold back more, handle the situation better. Again, Emma can rely on her owner to decide for her what is right and how far she can go. What she said the first night with him and Megan is what Emma means. She has made the decision, chosen submission, consciously and willingly and it is good that way. Finn is in charge of her life because she loves him. And it is safer for him if he can control her, who has proven time and again that she is not capable of doing so herself. First it was her parents, then Carrie and now she has found her true master. She finds happiness in the happiness of another, that is true love.
It is truly a liberation for Emma who has found a way to deal with the demons she first overlooked, then repressed and now acknowledged and accepted. The young girl is happy and feels more alive than ever before, all by ceding a part of her humanity to someone else. It’s so reprehensible and if her parents knew how she felt about Finn, they would never let her see him again. But it feels so right. So liberating.
Emma is young and the joy of having conquered this danger blinds her. She can’t help it. Society has not been able to prepare her, she has decided against the path it has prepared for her. Her friends accompany her on this path but at this moment Emma is alone, happy and so unable to see what she is doing. She does it out of the unshakable belief that she is doing something good for Finn. Beaming with joy, she pulls out her cell phone again and opens the chat program.
‘Hey you’ she writes, ‘Just had a real crisis. Phew. But now it’s great again. Will I see you on Saturday?’ The answer comes immediately.
‘Of course. I’m looking forward to it. What was it? Finn?’ Emma laughs happily and sniffles one last time. Carrie knows her so well.
‘Yeah. It was really stupid.’
‘Tell me. Trouble in paradise?’ A sad smiley face. Emma is too naive and inexperienced and doesn’t get the idea that Carrie might not feel the way the cluster of pixels suggests. She freely tells Carrie, her best friend, about her doubts and how Finn has dispelled them. She opens up to the person she trusts. It’s not a bad thing, Finn wants it from her and Emma has no reason to think anything has changed. She tells Carrie everything and so the sadness, fear and joy combine into something that should be good but is corrupted into something cruel by the future president’s love for Emma.
‘Damn Honey,’ Carrie writes. ‘You’re really smart. Finn is lucky to have such an intelligent girlfriend.’ Emma laughs happily, knowing that Finn is much, much more intelligent than she is. At least that’s how she feels at the moment. That’s why she doesn’t see the trap that is being prepared for her. ‘Good thing you thought this all through so quickly. It saved you both from a lot of trouble.’
‘That was him alone.’ She doesn’t see the expression on her best friend’s face.
‘But we’ll definitely talk about it on Saturday. I want to know more about it.’ A hearty kiss-smiley follows and Emma is overjoyed.
‘I’m looking forward to our date honey. You’ve earned it.’ At first, Emma wanted to cancel the date with Carrie. It’s not like she feels like a prostitute. She can’t at all since Finn owns her body. But she had been worried about how to deal with Carrie in the future. Now that she knows her boyfriend is there and that Carrie is okay, Emma feels more liberated than ever. Carrie has become closer to her than before, and Emma is looking forward to reinforcing her as a best friend while her lover and owner stands behind her. Emma can’t lose. She laughs delightedly at the absurdity of her negative feelings lately and embraces the bliss she feels now, unaware that it will only stay that way for a few more days.
It’s not long before her cell phone vibrates a third time. This time it’s Megan asking where the group wants to meet, and Emma suggests an ice-and-coffee shop located in the mall. She then rings Millie and sends the group of girls there as well. Emma is the first to arrive and reserves a long bench with three tables for the large group and orders a coffee while waiting for her harem sisters. The young girls arrive first and Millie hugs Emma and tells about her experiences while Megan is already waving from some distance. With the older girls around the table, it gets a little crowded and the waiters have their hands full keeping the group happy.
Maureen is grateful and embarrassed as she thanks them again and again for helping her with her clothes. The other girls wave it off, but her thanks are genuine.
The waitresses work hard and notice that one of the girls seems particularly pleased, smiling, looking happily around the table, and all in all, simply satisfied. Then three waiters come to the table and serve the laughing group of girls their ice cream. A few comments are exchanged about how sad it is that Finn isn’t there, but it quickly becomes clear that each girl knows exactly how to repay her boyfriend for the sundae without him.
“So what have you guys been up to?” Emma joyfully asks as she realizes she’s the only one who hasn’t been having fun the whole time. The others present their purchases to her and to each other, amused that they all seem to have the same purpose.
“Are we all going to jump him at the same time or how are we going to handle this?” Karen wants to know in a good mood, but also tries to find out more about the group dynamics.
“Hey,” Maureen says in mock indignation. “I bought some normal clothes, too,” she says and presents her newest bra with pride.
“And you can’t tell us you don’t want my Biggie to rip them right off your body,” Megan chuckles, nibbling on her straw as Maureen blushes. The two sisters are not only getting closer physically, but also their behavior is changing a little bit.
“We’re the youngest, we get to go first” says Susan, sticking her tongue out at the group.
“I agree” Millie says to the surprise of the others and nips the friendly snippy comment of Megan in the bud.
“Can’t argue with that” she grumbles and winks at her little sister who proudly puts her arms around Susan and Denise while Claire has to make do with her sister’s shoulder because of her choice of place at the table while thinking of her daddy’s shoulder. Emma, watching all this, feels exuberant joy at seeing the group self-regulate and just knows Finn will control them in the same way. Then everyone bursts out laughing as the purchases are presented and all agree that his eyes will fall out of his head as well as that Denise will have plenty of material for her cosplay hobby for the foreseeable future.
“Oh yeah.” Denise raises her head and Emma feels her eyes land on her. The kitten shows its claws as it looks at Emma conspiratorially. “We all figured you’d be into the elf costume,” she says, winking as Emma looks around the table blushing. “And if you hadn’t bought it, we would have taken you back to Troll Hill right after this.” Then she smiles kindly again. “Anyway, it would kill me if you didn’t model some costumes for me.” Emma looks around the table in wonder.
“Why not Millie or…” But Megan clears her throat and taps Emma on the shoulder. She looks at her friend and gets even redder as she pushes up her breasts.
“Oh… sure.” Denise giggles madly. “I’d love to.”
“That’ll blow my owners’ mind!” gloats Denise, and immediately puts her hands over her mouth. “Crap” she whispers but no one heard.
“We really need to be more careful what we say in public” Megan says, putting a hand on her brother’s kitten’s shoulder. “Cause we’ve been blabbing too.” There are nods all around.
“But we also have to be careful not to hide anything” says Emma and everyone turns to her. “We’re a harem and we can tell each other anything” she says proudly, glad that her master helped her solve her problem from afar. “We can trust each other.”
“Well said,” Megan says, raising her half-empty glass. “Here’s to trust.”
“To trust!” everyone else toasts.
“And to Finn!” exclaims Maureen.
“To Finn!” Everyone laughs while Maureen puts her hands over her mouth.
“Whose cock will be sore and whose crotch will ache.”
“I won’t toast to that” laughs Millie and Claire giggles. The mood is good, Emma is happy.
Writing Shark 