by Writing Shark
Already at the end?
It is unfair to feel anything other than affection and love on such a perfect morning. But you also said to yourself that it will be you who will face these feelings so that your sisters do not have to. What’s wrong with you? You should be happy. You had sex with the most beautiful woman on the planet. Somehow you’re right. But you still feel bad, which gets worse from second to second. It literally eats your good mood. Don’t spoil your angels’ morning! You’re right. Before you can figure out what’s wrong, you look at your sisters. But the feeling of being chased and cornered by something terrible is there and doesn’t go away either. And now this is made clear when your sisters stand next to you and hold you between them. Standing in the middle, flanked by your sisters, you ask as lightly as possible: “What is it?”
“Sooooo…” Megan begins and runs both hands over her head and strokes her hair back. She hasn’t noticed your mood yet. After such a morning, you can’t expect that and it only hurts you even more that she will find out soon.
“We do this regularly now… don’t we?” Millie asks, playing with the sleeve of your shirt that her butt was resting on yesterday. The girls look at each other, then their eyes wander to you. They are enriched with the feelings that made you love the two. But you don’t know what to say. You do not know how to proceed between you and your sisters. Since that started – or maybe much earlier – your head has been caught in a permanent loop of love, lust, fear and effort. How should this continue? A different woman in bed every night and a threesome on Sundays? What if your parents find out? Sure, you will take the blame, but the two will be damaged too. What if two of you quarrel? Or find another friend? Christ, Emma looked at you so funny and Claire… you realize that there is no point in further eluding the gnawing question in the back of your head. Not with Millie and Megan in front of you, both in love with you and ready to go further than you ever dreamed of. This is not going to work. You just break them in peaces with this.
“Girls…” you start your destructive task, but then don’t go any further. Dick amputated bastard! That is probably not the answer the two hoped for. You hang your head.
“Weren’t we good?” Millie asks shyly. If only it were that easy.
“No you were fantastic. You are perfect, both of you.” Megan now steps up to you and the two girls unwittingly force you into a corner.
“Finn, we have already said that we don’t mind that you have feelings for both of us” Megan says lovingly, but misses the target slightly.
“It’s not that damn it,” you brew and Millie is a little startled. “I… I can’t tell you now. I don’t know what to say myself. I mean, take a look at yourselves… and I… fuck!”
“Finn…” Millie doesn’t understand, you don’t understand yourself either. All the years of thinking, and now something like that. At the destination of your dreams and still haven’t arrived.
“It’s okay.” You hug Millie lightly and Megan leans her head on your shoulder. But that doesn’t make your situation much better.
“Finn…”, Megan starts and looks at you. “It’s not a question of whether we trust you, you know that. You helped me… helped us.” She takes her sister’s hand and they both look at you. It shreds your heart to see their looks and not be able to return them. “You will find a way, I know that. You always find a solution. That’s one reason why I like you so much.” Millie also comes closer to you and you find yourself in an intimate double hug. “If we don’t recognize the problem, it doesn’t matter because you are there. But I just want to ask that we can help you wherever possible.” So much trust. But that only makes it worse. They’re not the problem, it’s you. If you don’t do them justice, it’s over.
“If we can do something, let us help” Millie now asks. And you’re doing something you never thought would be possible. You break the hug and the looks your sisters throw at you are the deserved punishment for your madness.
“I fucking slept with you two!” you hiss and point vigorously at the two of them. “I love you both! And that’s not the problem. You are not the problem. It is me.” With these words you turn away from them and want to go out the door. At the handle you are held back by a body that clings to you with all its strength. Then another. And so you let go of the handle and hang your head. You cannot see the faces of your sisters and do not hear sobs. The two just hold you and don’t want to let you go. Is it their fault that you’re doing this now? No! You let it get this far. You have allowed their feelings and now you want to back off?
“Is okay. It’s okay, honestly” you say. You reach behind you and try to touch the two somehow. But they won’t let you go. You don’t move. “I know you love me. That’s wonderful. But it is I who have to protect you. Even from myself. What we did was wonderful. And maybe right. I don’t know. But I took responsibility for you.” You have to swallow so that your voice doesn’t break. Then you force a smile on your face. “Let me go, please,” you say in a slightly better voice. But your sisters don’t believe you. Slowly, very slowly they separate from you and you turn around to them. “Today is a good day, Millie, don’t let me destroy it.” You patting her head and smile forced. “Megan, you’re right. Let me briefly collect my thoughts. I will drive into the city and go for breakfast first. Then I calm down, make a plan and then come back for the celebration. Okay?” This idea actually cheers you up a bit. Maybe a cosmic miracle happens and you find a solution. Then you wouldn’t have lied boldly. The two look at each other silently and Millie nods first. Megan doesn’t say anything but at some point they both smile weakly. “Come here.” You spread your arms and the two hug you again. “Let us hold on to one thing today. We had a great night and a great morning. Today is your birthday Millie and we should enjoy it. I promise everything will be fine.”
“Okay” Millie murmurs. At some point you separate. You take a shower and leave the sisters in your room. After you’re done you go down. Claire looks at you nervously and Emma greets you cheerfully, but for you the world is only gray. You apologize with the lie, you slept badly and headed off to the city without answering any questions. So much for a happy day …
Writing Shark 