by Writing Shark
Alice confesses her love to you
And this is Alice. You’re not the only one who’s waited 20 years to have her. Alice feels the same way, but she is not nearly as strong and determined as you. You are a planner, you have strategies and tactics that lead to success. Your daughter has only you and the desire for you, your closeness, your approval, your care. It’s just too much for your daughter, even without the interrogation of dumb Elise, doing the right thing for you with the desire to control her friend.
That’s what you’ve always loved about women. They are the driving force behind everything. Men build the world, create and sustain things, mold the world in their image and subdue it. Every building out there was built by men, they maintain the lifestyle of women and men alike. They from nations, go to war, conquer and free people. They create art, research things, and create medicine, and healthcare. They make laws, go into politics. They break themselves every day for the world you all live in. But they don’t do that for themselves. They do all of this for women. Amy, Grace, and earlier Hellen are women who don’t understand this. Fighting for a place in the world is for men, not women. Only dogs, children and women are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved if he contributes something. And that is also good. You also draw your strength from your women. You don’t have a dog, but you have a daughter and a wife, and you do all this for them. That is the strength of a woman, to form the men, give him a goal and be the price at the end of a struggling, hard, demanding life. And Alice, your perfect Alice is a strong woman.
She can’t resist you, is weak and helpless, and makes you, and therefore her, stronger than anything the world could throw at you.
Alice can’t take it anymore, can’t stand it. She lifts her hands and places them on your body, against your cheek and chest. That’s all she dares to do, look at you out of big, wet eyes that send out fear, uncertainty and love. And you take away her fear and insecurity.
Your lips touch again and you kiss in the car in front of the house where all her friends are. But you don’t care and you take away your daughter’s ability to think when she feels your skin on hers. Again your lips touch and again your daughter melts into your arms while your body towers over her and protects her from everything that lurks outside the car.
Again, you put your hands protectively on your daughter’s cheeks. Alice begins to sob, her body trembles under your kiss and your hands become wet through her tears. But she doesn’t stop and you don’t move back and you kiss Alice until she stops crying and kisses you back. She is so beautiful, so fragile and so demanding when she returns the kiss with desperate fire in her movements. You know this behavior from Hellen, but with Alice you have never seen it before and your heart races as you see your daughter confess her love to you without words. She smiles sadly, then there is only unconditional love. You lift yourself up a little, a little away from her, to be able to look at her completely. Alice sits below you, small and helpless and happy, overwhelmed and confused, but that’s what you’re there for.
“I tried dad,” she whispers, her lower lip trembling, glistening from your salvia. “I really did. I tried.”
“I know honey,” you say gently. You’ve never been so tender with her, so understanding. It’s not a plan. Here sits your daughter and she is yours. This is new for you too and you feel the slight tingle of adrenaline racing through your veins. “And I’m proud of you.”
“I’m sorry dad,” she sobs and smiles. “I love Connor, I really do… but…” Your hand on her cheek silences her, then your thumb gently glides over her soft, moist lips and her eyes lose themselves in yours.
“You don’t have to blame yourself Alice” you whisper. “For nothing.” Muffled music can be heard from the house behind you but you don’t care when you heal her. “You don’t really love Connor. You feel sorry for him. Nothing more.” You don’t lie, don’t drill lessons into her. You’re helping her.
“But if I don’t love him, then only you are there and I…”
“Then you’re still exactly what I’ve always wanted you to be. My daughter.” Again Alice sobs and you hug her until she calms down. You’re still half standing in the street, leaning into the car, but you don’t care. You’ve made it, and destroying Connor with just one sentence elicits no reaction from you. There is only Alice, your muffin, your daughter, your angel, your goal. And you make her happy. Her voice has always enchanted you, so fragile, so often happy, so bright and content. All thanks to you. Now it’s a whisper, a drop in a sea, but Alice, your strong Alice, is changing your world.
“I love you dad.”
A lonely tear runs down her cheek. You don’t answer. Nothing you say will change anything now. You don’t have to fight anymore. You just nod. And smile at her.
“I tried to suppress it, I really did,” she tries to explain. “I wanted to be the daughter you always wanted. I wanted to show you how grateful I am that you exist, that you are always there for me and that you… that you are just there. And in the process, I fell in love with you.” Again her body trembles, shuddering at the thought that she has finally said it. You hold her close, showing her intimacy and security. “I’m so sorry. I messed it all up.”
“Don’t be sorry Alice darling.” You surprise yourself with how hard it is for you to speak. This isn’t a plan, this is real life. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted you to be honey.” Alice smells so good. 20 years it’s taken, now you’re at the finish line. You’re only not crying because Alice is more important than you. “I’ve tried everything to make you the girl you are today and I’m so grateful to you for letting me make you perfect.”
“Thank you for making me like this dad,” your daughter sobs. “I love you so much. Dad I love you.”
And this time she doesn’t freeze as you pull away from her. Instinctively she knows that from now on you will always be there. You stroke her flawless, perfect skin and gently push the door of the car closed. Then you circle your car and get in on the driver’s side. Alice watches you the whole time. You start the car, buckle up and stare out at the road. And Alice turns to you, looking for guidance and direction.
“What now?” she asks. She doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but she’s not afraid anymore. She has no doubt that you know. And you know it.
Writing Shark 