by Writing Shark
One more thing to do
“Well that was something,” you say later when you are done extinguishing. You sit down next to your sister and you look out over the lake. The stars are already sparkling and the moon is just about to travel across the sky.
“You can say that out loud,” growls Millie. Like you have done nothing else all your life you put your arm around her and after a short while she leans her head on your shoulder.
“Did you have fun today,” you ask, and your sister nods.
“We laughed a lot and thought about what we want to do tomorrow.”
“Whatever it is, I support it.” For confirmation, you rub her back and Millie smiles, but not as strong as you experienced today. “I saw you looking at me today when your friends jumped on me. Would you like to tell me about it?” You try to sound encouraging, but are a little depressed yourself because it may be that this experience was the first example of what can happen if you let your thoughts run free to help your sisters… and the opposite happens.
“It was nothing,” Millie denies. “Denise and Susan just drank too much. And at that age and without boys it is normal to argue I guess“ You have to grin, it all sounds like a documentary about some tribe of monkeys in Southeast Asia.
“But the two were arguing about me,” you say without pride. “How did you feel about it?” Millie shrugs, but let hang her head a little.
“The girls are right. Claire is too prude… and I…” Ah, that’s her problem. She thinks she shouldn’t… and she already has.
“Do you think what we did was a mistake?”
“No…” She sounds desperate. “I don’t know. How am I supposed to know that?”
“Right,” you nod.
“Was it a mistake Finn? Did I do something wrong? I mean, the girls are right. It’s disgusting when siblings like each other.” She shakes a little and it can’t be due to the climate.
“I don’t think that’s gross. I think it’s wonderful“ you mean defiantly and are rewarded when Millie hugs you closer. Her hair and neck smell a bit of smoke, but that doesn’t bother you. “Did you like what we did?” Millie is silent for a while, but you have time and you don’t rush her.
“Yes. I enjoyed touching you and being touched by you.” She says that without fear or scruple. “I like to be close to you and I like you… really, really.” You take her head and kiss her gently on her hair.
“I like you too Millie. Really, really. So much so that I can no longer express it in numbers. So why do you look at me so funny sometimes? I just want to make sure that nothing is bothering you.” Your sister’s attitude does not change, she remains completely relaxed as she continues to talk. It’s a good sign for you.
“I know I’m younger than you. And not as experienced as Susan… as dirty as Denise or as grown-up as Megan. When I’m with you, I’m happier than ever. But I also know that I am not enough for you. You need girls who can give you what I can’t do.” She looks up at you with big, slightly damp eyes. You don’t dare say anything yet, because you feel Millie is not finished yet, even if it tears you apart. “It’s okay with me if you like and need other girls. I’m just sometimes afraid that I can’t do anything for you to keep me. I just like being with you too much, but I know I didn’t deserve it. I…“ You can’t take it anymore. What kind of man leaves his little sister in such a situation, even if he is not in love with her?
Like last time your lips meet and it is you who take the initiative. It doesn’t take long for Millie to respond to you. This time you go ahead and enter her mouth with your tongue. She doesn’t understand at first and freeze in shock, but then melts back into your arms and hugs you. Your tongue plays with hers, guides it and shows her how to do it. Finally, you part with her and Millie looks at you with those big loyal puppy eyes.
“Millie, there are a lot of girls. Here too, of course. But you and Megan are by far my favorites. I want the girl you see in the mirror in the morning. You don’t have to be dirty or have big breasts or behave grown up to get my affection. This is very important.” You put your hands around her cheeks and rub your nose against hers. She giggles slightly. “The way you are, that’s how I like you. And I support every change you like about yourself. But you don’t have to force yourself to change because of me. You are way too fabulous the way you are and I ask myself every day how I deserve such a nice girl like you.”
“I just want to please you,” Millie finally finds the words she’s been looking for since her friends wooed you. And there you have it again. So what now? What she wants. What she needs.
“I like you Millie.” You look at each other and you see in her eyes the same dedication as last time. The same trust. “Should I show you that I like you?” You have no idea whether Millie really understands you and knows what your words mean. But you also know that you can lead her. Again, she proves that she is a good sister by nodding her head firmly and giving you the okay to be there for her. You smile at her, she smiles at you.
You kiss again. Again with tongue and this time Millie approaches you and even takes the initiative somewhat. You are now caressing her whole body, driving over her arms, her hips down to her firm buttocks and embracing them firmly. You pull her onto your lap, much like Megan. It takes Millie a bit to find her way around, but then she wraps her thin arms around your shoulders and kisses them.
“Do we have sex now?” She asks quietly and looks at you uncertainly.
“Only if you want to,” you reply softly. Millie approaches you, kisses you again, and begins to touch your body. You moan softly and don’t stop kissing. But something is different from the last time. You hardly notice it at first, but then it becomes increasingly clear. Millie tightens and you feel her insecurity. It’s not like at home and that worries you. “Hey, what is it?” You pull back a little from her to leave her space. But that only makes things worse. Millie pulls you close and wants to kiss you desperately. First you accept her gesture, but the hands that are trembling over your body and face are cramped. “Millie, please wait.” You are gripping her tightly enough to hold her advances back but not pushing her too hard.
“Fuck me. Take me and ride me like a…a stallion,” Millie begs but you realize that something is wrong here. It sounds a lot too delivered that it can come from the heart and dirty talk is not your sister’s thing. You caress her and try to calm her down.
“That’s not how we do such things Little One. What’s going on?” She stops fondling you and looks at you blankly.
“I want to make you happy,” she says, sounding confused. Why shouldn’t you understand that?
“Yes, but not this way” you try to explain cheerfully, but fail. With this, your little sister looks even more desperate.
“But I don’t know how else” she moans, throwing her hands up in the air. “How am I supposed to make you happy? I thought you wanted to fuck with me?” You are stunned.
“Y-yes… sure…” you stutter. “I want that too.” With these words, Millie wants to pounce on you again desperately.
“Then let’s do it you stud.” But you stop her again and Millie gets even more restless. You have to do something. What leads to such reactions in your sister? If she thinks that this is the only way to get boys, it may be due to her ex-boyfriend. But why was she so different in your room?
“Millie, what do you feel when you look at me?” You don’t know if this question helps, but you have to do something. She has no answer to it. She only looks at you for a long time without making a face and that gnaws at your nerves. But in the end, she gets herself together.
“I want you to be fine.” She thinks again. “When I look at you, I feel… guilty.”
“What?” That came out way too loud and serious, but that’s really the last thing you would have expected. “You feel guilty?” Millie just nods. “Why?” She takes a few breaths and starts to explain. First, then a second and a third time. Finally, she does it.
“I have to tell you something,” she murmurs, playing with the edges of your shirt. “I can’t thank you enough for the things you do for me.” She can’t stand your eyes. “B-But… I have to confess something to you. A-And… maybe you hate me then. But it has to be because you deserve it.”
“Millie, I could never hate you. Never.” But she still isn’t looking at you. “Tell me what you have to say Little One.” She smiles a little nervously and pulls a shoulder to her head as she faces the unpleasant truth.
“You are so good to me. And because of that… I have to tell you the truth.” She takes several breaths again. “What you do for me means so much to me. B-But not just b-because you help me. But… because…” Again she breaks off and looks at you helplessly.
“Oh Little One,” you moan, hugging her tighter. “Come here.” Millie snuggles up to you and buries her head in your shoulder.
“I know Megan loves you,” she mumbles. You are not surprised. Not with Millie and Megan. The two spend almost as much time together as with you. “And you love her too, don’t you?”
You would never lie to Millie. Even if you protected her with it, you have always found a way to be there for her without deceiving her. And you won’t start now. You went pretty far with Megan today. But you swore to treat the two equally, as best you can. The balancing act in between is very difficult and exhausting. You have to try not to take advantage of Millie or Megan and end up hurting them. At the end of your thoughts, there can only be one result. And so you tell Millie about your day with Megan. You know she has no problem with that, which makes things a lot easier for you. Now the only question that remains is how Millie will react to it.
“I just had to find a balance between you,” you say helplessly at the end. If you don’t even know how to deal with the situation, how can Millie do it? The petite girl crouches in your lap and looks up at your chest.
“So… do you love both of us? Megan and me?” You can’t read anything from her voice so you just nod.
“That’s why I sometimes hold back or do things with Megan that I did with you before.” You hope Millie understands.
“So… do you love me?” she asks again.
“Yes Millie. I love you… And I love Megan too.” It sounds a little desperate as you say so. But unfortunately, it is also right at the moment.
“I’m glad.” That makes you stop.
“But then why were you so keen to fuck with me?” You question really concerns you. The simple answer would be to say Millie loves you, so she wants sex with you. But that doesn’t fit Millie as you know her. She is not so liberal with her body and that worries you. You don’t want to spoil your little sister.
“You deserve to fuck me,” she says, but you don’t believe her.
“But that wouldn’t be sex Millie. You wanted to fuck. In a funny way, but still.” Again your sister looks at you helplessly.
“But you deserve it,” she says again and you don’t understand.
“Why I deserve it?”
“You love me and are good to me. That’s why we should have sex.” She says that as if she firmly believes in it. “Do you want to have sex with me?” she asks when she seems to realize that this is not a fact. She looks at you in alarm. “I… I just wanted to show you that you can do whatever you like with me. As a thank you.” You moan loudly and bury your face in your hands.
“Oh Millie…” Your sister no longer understands the world. How so? It’s natural for her to follow you. She has done this all her life and you and she like it. But here you took the wrong exit. “I love you Millie, do you know that?” You take her hand in yours and look her in the eyes. “I love you with all my heart,” you say even softer. That seems to help and your sister is looking at you. But then her gaze breaks and is replaced by something even sadder. Your blood freezes in your veins.
“I… I… know that you l-love me Finn. That is all I h-have always wished for,” she stutters and her eyes break with yours again. “And that you love Megan doesn’t bother me either. I u-understand that.”
“Really?” you ask worriedly. You have no idea what Millie is doing. Your sister nods eagerly.
“She gives you what I can’t do.”
“I’ve already told you that you give me all of that too. I don’t love you for no reason.” You pat her cheek and press her back against you. Millie puts an arm around your neck and her head rests on your shoulder. “I know I should confess my feelings to you in a much more romantic way. Is that what you want?” But Millie just shakes her head. You feel the light vibrations of her soft words in your shoulder as she speaks.
“That you tell me that means everything to me Finn. I’m not that good with words and I don’t know how to show you my feelings. But I know deep down that you love me. It’s nice and I actually don’t need anymore in my life.” Who would have thought that? Now it is you who are being helped. With Megan it was like breaking out of prison. As with Shawshank Redemption, the two of you stood there, covered with shit and out in the pouring rain, and knew that you were free now. With Millie it is unfortunately different. Even for you, the whole thing was too sudden. And it must be worse for her. So you understand that she can’t be sure about anything. At least she knows your feelings now, even if there would have been better ways to confess them to her.
But as you pursue these thoughts, Millie looks at you again and says, “But I didn’t deserve that.” You just look at Millie in shock. “Megan loves you and you love her. And you love me… but…” She breaks off and now you understand.
“Come here my sweet princess.” You hug her and are glad she’s doing the same. You wonder if you didn’t make things worse tonight and curse yourself for even thinking it would be a good idea to hang out with Megan and Millie. “You don’t have to love me Little One,” you say comforting and trying to find something good for your sister from the situation. You never expected everything to go so smoothly. “You don’t have to have feelings for me.” But she shakes her head vigorously.
“I don’t know what I’m feeling. That kills me. I’ve never been lucky enough to have someone who loves me. How am I supposed to say if I love you too?” You are first wondering whether it would help Millie to tell her about butterflies in your stomach. But that didn’t work with Megan and you either, and you had to escalate it to tell the truth. And so you just keep rubbing your little sister’s back. “I’m afraid of it Finn. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you because I don’t know myself and I’m too stupid to understand my life. I don’t want you to feel anything for me and then you’re disappointed with me because I can’t give you these feelings back that you are deserving. I know what I feel for you is more than normal. The boys at school told me that too. But when I see you and Megan, I don’t know if I can do you justice.” She looks at you again, questioning, hoping, almost pleading in search of an answer. “Can’t you tell me? Can’t you tell me what to feel and what to do? I promise I will do what you tell me. You always know everything.” If only that were true. But how do you explain love to a person? Especially when you can’t think clearly because of your feelings too?
“I can’t tell you if you love me. Nobody can.”
“Please” Millie begs now. “I promise I will stick to your rules.” But you shake your head.
“I would never push you one way or the other Millie.”
“But how else am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me? I do not want to disappoint you. I know Megan loves you. I’ve seen it. And it doesn’t bother me. If you say you love me, we can be together. Honestly.” Part of you just wants to agree. After all, it is the goal of your dreams. But what kind of man would you be if you were now fulfilling your desires? “Let me prove to you that I am a good girlfriend. Let me have sex with you, please.
“You don’t have to prove anything to me. I know I love you, but you don’t have to reciprocate. That doesn’t change my devotion for you. I am there for you no matter what you feel.” This is how you try to stop Millie from having sex with you.
“But that’s so unfair,” Millie pouts. “You do so much for me and I only take and take and take. All my life long.”
“No, it’s not unfair Little One. I have Megan and I have the best little sister I could ask for. And the best thing I can do is give you the time you need to answer these questions yourself.” You try to sound a bit more serious, but you don’t know if it works. Finally, Millie nods exhausted. She still cowers in your lap and when she wants to turn away from you, you tell her that she doesn’t have to. That makes her happy and keeps her legs apart on your lap. So you stay a while longer.
“What do you expect from me now?” your sister finally asks you and now you also dare to tell her your opinion.
“That you are feeling well and that you are trying to have a good life. Not more. If that doesn’t work, I would be happy to help you. But you don’t have to do anything with me, what I am doing with Megan, if you don’t want to.”
“But I want to,” Millie mumbles, looking at you again. And now you only see devotion and affection in her eyes. A good start, you think. After all, you managed to take her despair away. You also have to smile and the situation is a little better again. Your pats become a little more intense.
“I want to sleep with you too Millie. Just not because you owe me. But because I’m in love with you. And if you want that too, it would be an honor for me to make you happy.” She wants to say something, but you get ahead of her. “And you don’t have to give me anything back.”
“Can you help me with one more thing before that?”
“Of course darling.” What was that?
“Tell me again that you love me.” That is actually the best thing about tonight. You take the face of the girl you love in your hands, put your thumbs on her cheeks and look at her without blinking.
“Millie Lynchwood, I love you. I’ve been in love with you since I can think. You are beautiful, funny, smart and so incredibly social. I love you.” Then you kiss her as gently as you have never kissed anyone before.
“I liked that,” your sister whispers with closed eyes. And when she licks her lips to keep your taste and the feeling of your lips on hers forever. It’s like the first sip of water after a week in the desert. The beginning of something wonderful.
“Kissing is not the only thing we do today, if you want,” you whisper to her.
“Yes please,” she whispers happily, contentedly and confidently.
Writing Shark 